Truth Is

Truth is I am sick on my couch. As I lay here I am thinking of all the things that I wish I had the energy to do. If you have been reading the blog as Beyond the Cammies for awhile, you know that I thrive on balance. If I feel if something is out of line, it throws everything off. What is balance to me? Balance is when all the pieces of my life run smoothly together. I find that this is the hardest thing for me. I tend to focus on one thing at a time and forget to make then pieces work together. Sometimes I feel like I am super focused on working out.. that becomes my focus. Sometimes I get super wrapped up in my school work... that becomes my focus. Sometimes I get super focused on being the best house manager... that becomes my focus. I think so many times we strive to be perfect in all areas. I think that there is just to much pressure on being perfect. Especially with the Instagram and Pinterest age. We want to reflect the perfect picture all the time. I even admit that I only want to post on my blog the things are perfect in my life. I need to be more honest and I know by doing that I will help someone else. Truth is.. it's time to be real. Not that what I post on my blog is not real, but you understand... I love when blogs I read show me their human side. So here goes:

Truth is the adjustment after a deployment is hard. Everyone posts this beautiful picture of balloons happy times, vacations, and parties. What happens when all that goes away and two people are forced to get to know one another all over again. Now, I am not saying that we have had months of problems. That is not the case. AJ and I have great communication skills and we may lash out at each other trying to get our point across, but we always work it out. Finances after a deployment is hard. AJ went on deployment expecting to be overseas for several months. Overseas = more pay. Well after spending a year away, we had three months overseas. That coupled with a trip to Florida, and two other plane tickets for him didn't result in the goals we had planned. Also, me stopping to work to be home with the boys and then starting grad school. Made things difficult. The one thing that I have wanted our hole 16 years of marriage is to do bills and plan for our future together. It has always been my responsibility because he has come and gone so many times. For the first time we sat down, entered all of our debs in a spreadsheet, and are keeping track of where things are going. I have to admit it has been an adjustment for me. I am used to spending whenever and whatever I want. A problem, yes. I love the closeness and honesty that has come from us working together.

Truth is going back to school at 34 has been an adjustment. Honestly I feel that I am going to be a much better social worker with having all the life experiences I have had. I think that I am able to communicate with my clients in ways I never could have in my 20's. Although I complain about the homework, I love the decision I made. I am also done with my first year, and then one more year to go. I LOVE my internship, and was frustrated when I had to leave early Tuesday for this darn bug. My doc wants me to sit out Tuesday as well, but I am determined to get back as long as I am not coughing up my lungs. I know now that I want to work with cancer patients or the medical community. I am still struggling where I want to try intern next year. Part of me always thought I would be a therapist and specialize on military families. So, we will see. I have asked God to take this and run with it.

Truth is my boys are amazing. Mr. G is almost 2. Sigh. He has grown so fast. But he is honestly the funniest little man I have ever known. He has been having an aversion to keeping his clothes on lately. He has had his clothes off (diaper and all) 3 times today. I told AJ that if it continues, we are going to just potty train. B is just like my Dad. Super sensitive. He loves to cook and do special projects. Like me he doesn't love the everyday chores. Keeg is growing so fast too. Highschool is on the horizon. I love how my boys all love each other and are excited to see each other after a day apart.

Truth is... I need a nap. I need to pull myself together for a review session tonight for my first big test. If you are a reader, please leave me a comment. I know I have readers, it is just nice to feel the love!

Adjusting

Today I got AJ's overseas address. I didn't think it would be hard to see, but I was wrong. Reality set in and the realization that he will be in harms way before long. I have to say that since he has been gone for so long, I was actually looking forward to this next step. After his boots lift of US soil, we can start our countdown.

This week has been an adjustment, fitting in school work, and getting a system in place again with all of the things that need to be done around the house. Our lawn grew crazy long while we were gone and it took a big chunk of one day to push mow it because the mowers kept dying. I will be saving up for a riding lawn mower this deployment! 

The boys and I had a great time last night and treated ourselves to a concert. Tonight we went to our favorite little drive in diner, got flowers and veggies for the garden, and got some care package items to send to AJ. The boys had a good time getting it all together. Graycen even tried to open the package and climb in. 

Over night he seems to be growing and changing. He doesn't look so baby anymore. He is still just taking a few steps at a time, and crawling super fast everywhere. I think the walking is taking a bit longer, as did crawling, because he is waiting until he can do it completely perfect. I also wonder if his depth perception may be effecting the crawling. I still see no other signs of sight problems, but glasses are still in his very near future. He still shows no interest in the TV. ( I guess it is not a bad thing!) 

Brayden woke up throwing up this morning. I was convinced he was just tired from our late night and his crying brother most of the night. But, after E-mailing his teacher, found out a bug has been going around. He rested most of the day and was back to his normal self by the evening. Praying the rest of us don't get it. I was having de-ja vu from last Mother's Day when he was throwing up, and AJ was gone with the Marines. 

We have a busy weekend filled with my nephew's first birthday, baseball pictures and practice, and getting the garden in. We will enjoy a dinner cooked by the boys on Sunday with my family. 

School is going well. It is amazing the difference in a masters program compared to undergraduate. Lots more reading and the 10+ page papers that are coming fast! I love the set up of the virtual school and have already made some connections with fellow students. Lots of former military and military spouses in my classes. My professors are interesting and I am excited for the semester! 

Well, after very little sleep last night and a pounding headache, I am heading to bed. Hope you all have a great weekend and your kiddos spoil you! 

Trying to fit into Daddy's first care package.

After bath.. Just love his smile!

Waiting for dinner at the drive-in diner! 

Waiting for my hotdog!